It is often very difficult to recognize that we have become a victim of domestic violence, as it may have become such an integral part of our everyday lives that we do not even notice. If our partner or someone in our family, causes us physical or mental harm, behaves in a humiliating manner, financially exploits, controls, or forces us to engage in sexual acts that are undesirable or degrading to us, they are severely abusing their physical or mental power, which is not acceptable, under any circumstances. The following example sentences can help victims, as well as relatives, acquaintances and friends who feel they may know a victim.
Most of the time physical violence starts with verbal and psychological abuse. Mocking, humiliating behaviour can easily turn into physical abuse, which can create a serious situation in a short period of time. In these relationships, a subordinate-superior relationship develops between the abuser and the abused, which serves as a good excuse to commit further acts of abuse. No one has the right to hurt you!
No one has the right to express their displeasure in this way towards the person who prepared their food and/or takes care of their needs. And, of course, one might ask if such aggressive behaviour is really about food? Usually it isn’t, it's just an excuse to humiliate the other person.
There is no argument, quarrel or situation in which any form of physical violence (beating, torture) is allowed.
It’s not enough to just say something, our actions and behaviour reveal whether our words are true or not. It’s not love to abuse someone and try to blame the victim for their own abusive behaviour is completely unacceptable. An abusive behaviour from a partner is never about what I am doing wrong, and it is incorrect to believe that changing myself will decrease their aggression. Under no circumstances is violence acceptable!
Dictating who the other person can talk to, where they can go and what they are allowed to do essentially infantilizes them. Wanting to control, due to jealousy is about the abuser wanting to possess the victim. In a healthy relationship, partners are equal. No one has the right to aggressively force their will onto the other person.
When we hear this sentence, it’s not about the other person having had assessed our cognitive abilities and come to the conclusion that we are not intelligent enough to understand something. This sentence is about the person expressing that they are smart while the other person is stupid, thereby establishing subordination in the relationship. This sentence serves to humiliate, hurt and undermine the self-esteem of the other person. There is no situation where the humiliation of the other person is acceptable.
Loving concern is an important characteristic of a good parent or partner, but it should not be confused with controlling behaviour, when the will of one person is placed above to other in such a way that the other person has no say in their own affairs. An adult cannot be kept at home against their will, even if they are in a parent-child relationship with the person who wants to restrain them.
A joint account does not mean both partners wages go into the same account with only one person having access to it. If our partner is preventing us from accessing our own earnings or money, that is called financial abuse, which deprives the victim of their independence. It puts the perpetrator in a position of power and the other person in a vulnerable position.
In a relationship, it is not at all appropriate for one partner to forbid the other from doing things, and one having to obey orders without a word. Restricting the other person’s employment is exactly such a thing. Its purpose is to limit the victim in their independence, to force them into a dependent relationship, to make them vulnerable.
Sexual intercourse should be a source of mutual pleasure and it is important that both parties want it equally. In this context it is never anyone’s duty to do something they don’t want to do! Anyone who expects such a thing from you does not think of you as a partner, a sentient being, but merely as a means of satisfying their own sexual needs.
Fortunately, in our country, people cannot become property. Anyone who treats the other person as if they were their property, as if they were their slave, is committing a crime. Not wanting to stay in such a relationship is not wrong. Let's never forget, possession is not about love, but about domination over the other person, about treating the other as an object!
Social (isolation) abuse
In a healthy family, no one wants to force their partner to choose between them and their parents. It’s absolutely wrong to blackmail you with threatening to take the children away, if you don't choose the way they want you to! Why would you have to choose? And why would blackmail with children be acceptable? Let's not fall for it: neither of these is acceptable!
This sentence can be said many ways, it can be sincere and kindly inquiring, but it can also be accusatory and suspecting! In the latter case, it is important to remember: we are not the property of our partner! It is not our duty to be available to the other at all times. If we start to get scared when the other asks this question, if our stomach tightens when we notice a missed call on our phone, it’s important to recognize: this is not normal reaction for two adults living in a healthy relationship!
If strange men come to up us with great job offers abroad, it is very important to be careful! While such promises are very attractive, there are countless cases when people who are taken abroad in this way, who do not speak languages, are later deprived of their documents, restricted in their freedom and forced into prostitution or modern day slavery! Don’t fall for charming strangers and their offers!
Love is a very important part of human life and it is very good to feel that we are important to someone, but don’t let yourself be fooled! If someone makes demands in return for their love, or wants to force us into a situation we don't want to be in, it’s not love! This example is about the common practice of people to faking love to gain control of other people, with the aim of forcing them into prostitution.
We are not objects, our bodies are not playthings and are not for others to possess. If someone says they love us, but in return they want others to be able to approach us sexually, it doesn’t mean they think we’re an adult or attractive, but that they’re are exploiting us sexually. Our body is not an object, never agree to anything like this under any circumstances, no matter how much the other tries to prove that it is not a big deal.
Just to do as he says and be nice to whoever he says. Unfortunately, translated into ordinary language this means, that I can only do what he says and serve the sexual needs of others. This is not a romantic relationship, but this is actually sexual exploitation. With this sentence, the “boyfriend” states that he will give everything if the other person is willing to prostitute themselves, who he will “pimp”.
You can always contact the telephone service anonymously, you can call 116-123 free of charge 24 hours a day, both from landlines and mobiles. You can also write an email to firstname.lastname@example.org, and our staff will respond within 72 hours.
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